A craigslist post....too funny!
Date: 2006-06-25, 8:44AM PDT
Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:
I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads
you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will
be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you've obviously become
accustomed to.
Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:
1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a
bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items
you'll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a
lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you
can not have my rope. The ad said I was selling a fridge, not a fridge
with rope. Nor was I selling a fridge with padding so that the pleather
seats on your piece of crap car don't get marked up.
2. What part of 'buyer must pick up' in the ad was confusing to you?
Yes, I have a vehicle. No, I don't want to haul your fridge all the way
to East BumbleFuck on the hottest day of the year. No, I'm really
really sure I don't want to do that. No, really. I'm sure.
3. Please call me only once with ALL your questions. I left for the
day, and had 5 messages on my answering machine, the last one was at
10:30 pm. Frankly lady, you were sounding a bit too crazy by the end of
the day. It's a fridge. A small metal box that keeps shit cold. I don't
have the fridge's family tree. For all I know the fridge's was
conceived by a slutty young Maytag that graced some hillbilly's side
porch. I don't know the exact age of the fridge. I bought it a few
months ago, I used it for a couple of days, ok, I lied, I used it a
whole week. The fact is, you're not buying a race horse, you're buying
a used fridge.
4. No, I will not knock $10 bucks off the price of the fridge
because your anal retentive eyes picked up the ittiest, bittiest
hairline scratch from across my driveway. I'm not making judgements on
you, but I'm pretty damn sure Donald Trump didn't send you across the
country to pick up a used fridge for Trump Towers. Though I'd wager the
whole concept of the mini-fridge bar is a familar one to you.
5. Yes, you can unplug a fridge without any harm to the fridge.
Believe me, the fridge is fine. The manufacturers have figured out a
way to extend the life of a fridge that has been unplugged. Yes, I'm
absolutely sure of that. No, you did not have to leave 2 messages about
your concerns with the fridge being unplugged, and frankly it was a
little embarrassing having the same conversation with you in my
driveway where my neighbors could hear.
6. No, I don't have the operating instructions. I can write them
down for you though: Plug fridge in. Open door. Put crap inside. Take
crap out when it's cold. Eat or drink crap.
7. I am not a fridge pimp. I don't have any more fridges at that
price. No, I don't know where you can get another fridge at that price.
Yes, I know it's in great condition for the price, and I'm sure you'd
like your other crazy-as-bat-shit-mini-fridge-buying-friends to have
one just like it, but this is all I have. Here's a thought, there's
this online classified ads website. Yeah, you may have heard of it,
it's called CRAIGSLIST. I dunno, maybe, just maybe, in this great land
of ours, there's another mini-fridge being advertised there.
8. Please remove my phone number from your address book. I think our
relationship is over. Oh, and if you've added me to your AIM Buddy
List, please delete me. Please. I beg you.
Yours truly,
The mini-fridge seller